6.16.2009

new chapter

graduation day

When Joe and I first found out we were moving here, it was a bit of a shock. I was sad and worried, not knowing if I could leave my home, family, friends, and way of life behind. There was a lot of stress involved in the move, and we had to worry about finding an apartment and selling our house. And would we have enough money to live on? However, I think my biggest concern was the fact that medical residencies are very demanding. On the doctors themselves, but also on the wives and families. I’ve heard horror stories about how many hours a week residents are required to work. And Joe told me he would basically be going in to work at 5 AM every day and not coming home until late at night. Except for the months he would have to stay overnight at the hospital. Yikes. I worried that I wouldn’t get to see Joe ever, and I would miss him so much. I’m a person that can keep myself entertained, but how can you have a relationship with someone you never see? I worried, “Would he and I grow apart?” Would he come home stressed out and tired and grumpy all the time? What would happen to us?

We’ve been through a lot of things in our seven-year relationship (not the kind of stuff I usually write about on my blog), and I do have trust in our ability to weather a storm and become stronger. Maybe the force behind my anxiety has been a fear of change. I'm someone who goes to a restaurant and always orders the same dish for six months in a row. But then again after I get sick of it, I try a new dish and order that for six months. Maybe New York and residency is my new dish. I’ve also heard from wives of doctors that although their husbands work long hours and get paid very little during residency, that time was still one of their favorites. I think maybe it can be so difficult that people really form strong bonds because they are going through it together.

Now that I’m here in New York, I know that this will be good for me. I already feel that I’m getting out of my Kansas rut and experiencing new things. Kansas was so easy, and New York is not. But sometimes easy is not a good thing. I get lazy and complacent when things are easy. My life stagnates.

When I look back over my blog posts about moving, I see that I was trying to express what I was going through, and I don’t think some people really “got” it. Some of the comments were so sweet, and some of them were just either insensitive or too simplistic. A lot of the message I got was “You should be happy!” Well, life is not that black and white. There are gray areas and mixed feelings. Sometimes people feel sad or anxious. The only way to get past that is to feel the pain and then move on, not to bury it under cheer. I don’t feel happy or excited or positive all the time. I’m okay with that. It wouldn’t be genuine to pretend otherwise. I do try to live my life with a positive attitude, but it’s also very important to me to feel my feelings honestly and express them honestly.

Sometimes when I feel misunderstood, I wonder if I should just stop posting anything personal on my blog at all. Because some people act as if it gives them license to judge my life or talk to me/about me like they know me. Most of the personal stuff in my life doesn’t get anywhere near my blog, but I do like to post about life things that seem appropriate and interesting in a public forum. The thought of not being able to do that anymore makes me sad because I love expressing/journaling my thoughts (about some things) on my blog. It’s a really great outlet for me. And I guess it’s nice to feel heard. Maybe it’s okay that my feelings aren’t always validated by the comments. I just wonder if it’s worth it.

Joe started his first day today at work as a real doctor. I am so immensely proud of him. The last four years have been difficult, and he’s worked his butt off. We’re both nervous, but I think excited too. Doing general surgery (for the first two years before he starts Urology) in the middle of Manhattan, I think he will see some crazy stuff! Maybe it will be tougher than some of the other residency programs he could have joined, but I think he will gain much more experience. I believe in him so much and in what he’s doing. Really. My doctor Joe. He has a good heart and wants to help people, which makes this all worth it.

89 comments:

LMJ said...

Not sure if I should comment on a post where you seem so disillusioned with commenters but ... I just had to mention that I really loved your thoughts on not always doing what's easy. It has always been true in my life that when I have chosen to put myself out there and not stick with what was easy, just because it was easy, I've really grown and never regretted it. I hope the same is true for you. Best of luck to you and Joe!

jenny gordy said...

Thank you. : ) I really appreciate most of the comments I get, but there are some that can be frustrating.

Anna Allen said...

i know how you feel. i just got another nasty email from someone this week telling me everything that is wrong with me. they don't even know me and they are judging me by pictures and things i write on my blog. it can be discouraging, but i'm not going to let them stop me from doing what i love. though i try not to be too personal on my blog. sometimes i forget who reads it and it gets real tiresome being judged left and right. so anyway, i wanted to let you know i enjoy your blog and your photos on flickr. you're super talented. and no one should expect you to be happy 24/7! i sure am not! yeesh. sometimes i think my whole life is a failure. lol. okay, well i will stop rambling. thanks for sharing what you do. :)

Kelly and Kelly said...

I'm sorry your feeling judged lately. It can be hard to put it all out there for everyone. I don't get many comments at all, so I don't know what it's like to get ones that hurt like that. At the moment I'm feeling very exposed on my blog in a different sense, not sure who is reading it (I'm getting readers but very little comments) and feeling like I need to close up in response to how I feel. So I don't have an answer on this one but I do hope you continue blogging and sharing what you can.

I've loved watching your move from afar. It's been such a journey already, I can't imagine what the next 6 (six, right?) years will hold for you guys.

Jackie said...

as someone who reads but pretty much never comments, i just wanted to say that i appreciate your honesty. it's a rare thing these days and i appreciate you continuing on despite the difficulties that come with it.

Kate said...

I know exactly what you mean about new york being hard, but that being a good thing usually. When I lived in Seattle I got to this point of laziness and repetition that made me go out of my mind! I'm the type of person who needs a little struggle to keep me motivated and happy, and new york throws it's share of that at a person!

I love you sharing your life with us, and I hope that the good comments outweigh the bad. Sometimes it's near impossible to shake certain comments. I'm still thinking about one someone put on my blog a few weeks ago!

Anonymous said...

please don't stop writing about your personal life. i don't know you, but your words are like a tall glass of ice water on a hot day: refreshing and necessary. let the haters hate and keep doing your thing. plenty of us think you're delightful, even on your pensive days.

erica said...

some days i feel like quitting blogging altogether, and i don't even receive vacuous or judgmental comments!

there's very little worse than laying bare your feelings to someone (in real life or otherwise) and then being subjected to superficial pollyanna comments. life is rough and messy, and one can never fully know or understand how it is for someone else. especially not in photos and a few paragraphs now and then.

i'm glad you're in nyc, a tough city to be sure. i don't know if i would be willing to move there, but i've also been feeling less than inspired lately.

an afternoon at the beach helps, and good friends near and far...

Anonymous said...

This may sound strange and bizarre. But reading your words have meant a great deal to me today. I'm having personal troubles with my own Mister.

You said what I haven't been able to articulate. Thank you.

Dawn said...

hi, this is my first time visiting your blog. my opinion probably doesn't matter much, but i just wanted to congratulate you on being such a strong woman. not everyone can go through what you've been through, are going through or will go through. i was just sitting here dreading the thought of my husband leaving for 2 months on friday, but after reading your entry i feel confident that i can get through the lonely days ahead. i don't know your whole story and cannot say that i completely understand what you're going through, but i can relate. i wish you the best, but honestly it seems to me you're finding your way pretty well. time is on your side.

indigorchid said...

This seems to be a struggle a lot of bloggers have - how personal to get? I think you've managed and maintaned a good balance in the year or so that I've been reading your blog, and it certainly takes some strength to show more than just the positive aspects of your life and thoughts.

I felt for you while reading your struggle with the move and the uncertainty that your future held while waiting for the word of where your husband got a job. In a tough situation some years back, I experienced a lot of superficial comments, and mostly they made me angry. I came to realize after a while that they were made with the best intentions, but at the time they felt very simplistic, and even hurtful as a response to an incredibly complex situation. I think some people find it easier to be "optimistic", rather than feel and share in the sadness, frustration and confusion that the other person is experiencing. Also, I see it as the easier way out.

I wish the best for you and Joe both in your adventures in NYC, and my best wishes for finding a balance in the blogworld that you are comfortable and happy with.

anabela / fieldguided said...

I didn't leave any comments on your moving post precisely because I wasn't there and I didn't know what you were going through. I hate moving too -- the day me & Geoff moved across town in a small van I was completely inconsolable (huge tears and convulsions, like some big baby). I am not good at it. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you (I order the same thing every time too). It can be frustrating to hear platitudes when you just want to let it out and talk about how much it SUCKS. Blogland is funny that way -- it's so easy to feel misunderstood. Your blog is incredibly beautiful and I feel grateful to be able to read it. You seemed a lot more at peace in your last few posts and I was happy for you. You just go on being yourself, girl. xo

copperseal said...

i really really appreciate your honesty - hope you find your groove soon :)

Maria said...

i never comment much on blogs, because I always feel weird, like it is a big intrussion to give your opinion on somebody's toughts and feelings, somebody who you don't even know.

but let me just tell you that i understood exactly what you meant about not being that excited about the move. maybe it is because i always order the same too.

people are rude and it is worse on the internet because they are bolder, and i guess it takes a really thick skin to not get upset by it.

i think that if sharing your life is something you still enjoy, then why stop doing it...

Myra - twigs and honey said...

Keep posting as you have been! Don't change a thing! It IS the perfect balance of "interesting" and "personal" without being TOO personal (you and your hubby need to have your secrets!). Your feelings are all completely valid. My hubby doesn't read your blog, but I've found myself telling him all about your big move and that whole process that got you two there.... we are both amazed by you two and it really is great to hear you write about the happiness and joy that comes from a relationship and also the harder times... It is SO refreshing to hear that it's not all sunshine and perfection! Good luck to the both of you in your new home. :)

Vanessa said...

I enjoy reading your blog, as well as many others, and feel that if anyone is going to open up and write publicly about their lives, then they have to be ready for all kinds of responses and interpretations. You can always shut off comments if you want the dialogue to be one way, but keep in mind that when you share honestly in a public space (which is anywhere on the internet) and provide people with a little box to type in, they have the right to share honestly, too. Good luck in NYC. it's a great place to be, even if everyday ain't perfect.

cindy : quaint said...

i hope my comments weren't lacking understanding. i try to look on the bright side to help people feel better, but unless it's happening to us we really don't know how it feels. it's easy to tell other people what to do vs. do it ourselves. life isn't a fairy tale, it has its ups and downs and i appreciate your openness very much.

by coincidence, on the day my mom passed away, someone gave me really good advice. she said that sometimes things in life are hard and that's it. if we can acknowledge it, we might feel better because we've released our nature to control the situation. it helped me then and still does.

congratulations to joe and good luck to you both in the next phase. i hope you'll keep sharing.

Catherine said...

I have thought the same about my blog too, Jenny. I often wonder if I am sharing too much of myself and there are days I want to shut it all down and focus on my home and family. But as you say it's a great way to journal your thoughts, and remember this is your blog no-one else's. You are free and entitled to write what you like, and for those who have negative opinions, they're likely just unhappy with themselves. Happiness and unhappiness is all relative, and other people really have no right to judge you or say your situation is better than theirs.

I think you'll do splendidly in NY. As Samantha said to Carrie (in Sex and The City no less), 'your fabulousness will translate'.

kristina said...

Congratulations to Joe on his first day as a doctor........my son is disabled and we've had to visit more than our share of doctors and other medical professionals over the years (my son is 12). I do think that people (we parents in particular) tend to forget that doctors are, yes, humans too, with wives and relationships and very full lives. Thank you for sharing about this here.

And please post what you need to. I write a blog about autism (which my son has) and get all kinds of "interesting" comments (some of which what I am doing for my son---quite infuriating!).

I love every Wiksten piece I have (am wearing the Ellybeth top from last summer right now)---on down & stressful days, putting on something nice helps a lot. Knowing that the item was handmade, and knowing a bit more about the individual who made an item (thanks to your blog), makes a huge difference.

Sorry this got so long-winded. Thank you, Jenny, for all you do.

Gail said...

Hey girl, keep the chin up. Your young, beautiful, married to a handsome doctor and living in my favourite city in the world.

Jill said...

Hi, I don't know you personally... but I wanted to tell you that I love this post. I think it so perfect what you said about feeling your feelings honestly. I think its so important too. There is no way in this life that we're going to be happy 100% of the time. Its so nice to be able to look back and reflect on the ups and downs too, you can see you really go some where.

Anyway, I'm also a NYC transplant, I've lived here for a few years now. I have love hate moments with this place... and sometimes I really have to put some work in to remind myself what I do love about it.

Anonymous said...

As one of the people who possibly said something like "you should be happy"

...I'm so sorry that such positive intentions can get so messed up through written form. Some of us cannot express ourselves so clearly and honestly.

What maybe we/I meant to say: "I wish that you find the greatest happiness despite such difficult times"

sincerest apologies

Anonymous said...

please don't stop blogging...your blog, your aesthetic, your kindness and honesty are inspiring. i wish i didn't have the lame "anonymous" tag but i have no blog. i'm too shy and too weak when it comes to criticism. i think you lovely people who bravely blog are sticking it to the negative commenters just by...having a blog! they'd be too scared to. that's why they point the finger.

you, jenny, are an angel and to many of us creative women around the world i thought of the song "suddenly i see" by KT Tunstell (you know the song in The Devil Wears Prada) when i read your cool blog for the first time. i love all the great blogs around that show us it's ok to be honest.

thanks for sharing and making some of us try to be braver...

colleen

Anonymous said...

It's that you write what you feel that makes your blog so compelling and reminds your readers that you are a real person with a very real life in all its mundane glory.
A number of blogs I have read - my friends' included - I simply can't relate to because the authors use them as a medium to project another persona, one that isn't theirs in 'real life'.
Of course you should keep some aspects of your life private from your blog, but I for one feel so privileged to read what you do share. Your honesty helps me to reflect on those parts of my life that I am frustrated with and makes me recognise that everyone, no matter how beautiful their life appears when looking from the outside in, has moments of unhappiness and difficulty. And it's those parts that make the rest of life so exquisite.
I am happy to hear that you are so proud of your husband - anyone who is prepared to give that much of themselves to others deserves to be so admired. Be equally proud of yourself also.
Jenny, I wish you all the best in your new life in NYC.

Molly said...

I'm someone who likes to believe there is a bit of something, call it fate or destiny or what-have-you in these big changes our lives go through. The hardest part is to accept that not all of these realizations and discoveries are going to come from shiny-happy-moments of perfection all the time. Perhaps there is a reason for you to go back a relive something of that old life, however I won't say you should just try to be happy. If you're annoyed be annoyed, grumpy be grumpy and when you find yourself happy, accept that too. You'll figure it out eventually.

As someone who only knows the little bit about you from your writing I hope you continue you provide these little insights into your life and I only say "chin up" (when you want to) and I hope for the best as you and your doctor embark on this new journey. What's that old saying? It's always darkest before the dawn.

Anonymous said...

Jenny, Jenny! There are people in the world who live to rain on other people's parades. It is their reason for living. I am old and calloused, and their negativity doesn't bother me. If it bothers you, and I can see how it might, block them. But please don't stop blogging. I find I feel a little less calloused after reading your meanderings.

laurab said...

It would be so sad if you stopped posting! Even if all of the comments you get aren't always understanding, there are tons of readers out there (like me) who rarely comment, but greatly appreciate hearing about someone else in a similar situation to them(I am also in a new place, and don't have many girlfriends. blogs tend to help when i'm feeling down).

You are part of something that makes people feel better, and more understood themselves. That is a great thing, so please, don't be discouraged! also, new york is super fun, even though it can be hard. I think you have the right attitude about it all.
good luck and hang in there!

Mademoiselle Lady Finger said...

Good thoughts Jenny. It's a constant struggle to know how personal to get on a blog! I think you strike a perfect balance, and I've enjoyed (and sympathised) reading about your process with the move. However, no one has the right to judge you and your personal processes. Shame on them for being so judgemental and leaving unhelpful comments. xxx

Jen said...

Please don't change anything about your blogging! My boyfriend will be entering residency a year from now, and I really look to your blog for inspiration (both creatively and otherwise). Seeing you work through it all gives me hope.

Casey said...

As someone who just made a huge life change (getting married, moving 900+ miles into a state I've never visited, having no friends, being stuck at home in a new town, and acclimating to a totally different lifestyle within the military), I have been taking a lot of comfort from your posts (even though I haven't commented). I see someone else who is grappling with the same issues of change; not being sure you quite want it, and yet realizing there is no way to stop it. Someone who is laying bare her thoughts on the whole moving process and watching her husband enter a new period that will affect both your lives! Your emotions you've expressed so well through your blog have mirrored many of the ones I've experienced: the frustration and uncertainty. I really appreciate that you've been so candid. Otherwise, I'd feel very alone--that no one else ever feels the way I do about change! I just rarely post about the struggles and inner turmoil on my blog. So I really thank you for your blogging over the past few months. You have been honest, true to yourself, and nothing but candid. Please don't ever stop being yourself on your blog. :)

p.s. Sorry this is so rambly! :p I just wanted to express my thanks and let you know how your blogging has struck a cord with me of late!

Anonymous said...

Jenny, fuck those bitches! seriously, post whatever you want and then drink a glass of wine. Life is not always fun.If you think it is you're either totally charmed, or dumb.

*gemmifer* said...

Jenny, your blog is one of the first sites I visit each time I turn on my computer. I have enjoyed every one of your posts on such a wonderful variety of topics.

I think sometimes people can feel like they know more than they actually do about a blogger and unfortunately overstep a boundary, posting comments that can be hurtful. I haven't really posted much personal subject matter on my blog, so I haven't had any negative comments yet... Most of my posts get no comments at all, which is pretty sucky in its own way.

I was laid off in February and am coming up on a major birthday next month. I too am someone who enjoys the familiar to a point where I fear too much change, so this has been a really tough time for me, questioning what I am doing with my life, what I have done, what I want to do...

I wish you and Joe much luck and strength to get you through this new set of challenges. Having so much in your lives change all at once can be a scary prospect. Just give yourselves time to adjust; hopefully in time you will be able to look back and see that your path took you both to an even better place.

Best of luck to you,
Jennifer

PS: sorry for the extremely long comment!

*gemmifer* said...

And many, many congratulations to Joe on his graduation. I wish him all the best in his residency!

Jennifer said...

Bravo,
Jenny-
you are wonderful.
I'm gonna shoot you a FB email.
xo

s said...

Jenny, I so sympathize. Sometimes New York is so hard that I just want to go back to my old life (car, nice apartment, dishwasher). Nevermind how hard it is to have a good relationship in periods of stress or change.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's worth it. Even the hard parts.

habitual said...

Damn ruts!

I think you have a lot of strength to muster this life change. Not everyone enjoys change and surprises and living for the "who knows"! I'm 100% percent the same way about restaurant, I laughed out loud when I read that. I'm on a Pho kick right now, but honestly what it really means is Kung Pao chicken. Over and over and over, we'll see how long it lasts!

Good luck to you and Joe, I know you will own NYC and share it here in your own way. ;)

Anonymous said...

hi, i just wanted to offer my words of encouragement. i am a physician, and during my four years of residency my husband and i were apart on opposite coasts. there will be a lot of stress and a lot of change during these upcoming years, but it's also a time of tremendous growth. we got through it and i'm sure you and your husband will too!

brooke said...

We are moving to Austin in a few months. Away from Kansas, friends, family, my house, etc. All of the feelings and words you have expressed, I have felt too. I admire your ability to share them with the rest of us. It has definitely helped me see that I am not alone.

Anonymous said...

There is just no pleasing some people!

Julien said...

hi jenny-
i've never commented on your blog before and this seems like it might be okay time to comment. i absolutely love your blog and hearing your thoughts, opinions, and about your personal life. of course, i don't know you at all and i don't pretend to but i think you are really exciting and admirable. of course, it is very difficult to be so exposed to the internet like this, and i personally don't think i could do it, that's why i haven't done it but i am grateful to see what you go through, and what you present to us from your collections. i admire your blog and it's a source of inspiration, not because you present beautiful images or inspirational ones, it's because you are inherently inspiring. to see you sad, to see you be real, to see you be inspired, these are real reasons why i was interested in blogs in the first place. i think you are very true to yourself and your audience and that level of authenticity and vulnerability is so rare now. as a reader, i feel like i am also experiencing a new thing along with you. it sucks that people judge, it sucks that people can't understand but i think its surely inevitable, and the internet's anonymity seems to breed this more but don't get too discouraged. i am the 39th comment here and i think that says something more than any single shitty comment or 5, could ever say.

emily said...

thanks for sharing that. i hear you, and i understand what you mean. this strange new world of mixed anonymity and intimacy is hard to navigate.

valerie said...

oh lady, i so hear you on the blogging front. and not to be trite or simplistic, but um, you're awesome? it's true.
congrats to joe and to you as well! sounds like some majorly intense life stuff is on the horizon, but clearly you're ready for the challenge. yes!
also, let's hang soon.

hibou said...

Beautifully written, start to finish. Thank you for continuing to give us a bit part in your life!

I'm so glad to hear that you have adapted so well already! I look forward to the future with much hope for you, your beautiful work, and your husband.

Jennifer

annie said...

For whatever it may be worth, I started reading your blog because of the amazing things that you make but I kept coming back to read it because of your posts about the event happening in your life. Our family is about to make the move from California to Vermont for my husband to start medical school in the fall. The admissions process alone was so stressful that it almost drove us to the brink of total insanity and obviously, it only gets more intense from this point forward.

I haven't commented on any of your posts about the residency match process or the move, but I have been really, truly grateful for them. Perhaps I didn't comment because I didn't want to assume that I could offer any reassurance but I hope that you know that your ability to come out on the other side of these things still standing was of great reassurance to me...

linda p said...

this is a great post. i generally shy away from posting anything personal on my blog because i hate that "chin up" attitude. (your sister's husband has cancer? oh don't worry, he'll be FINE!) but many people respond that way without realizing how trite it sounds, and how they're essentially saying "your feelings are invalid." it's ok to worry and feel crappy, but i'm sure you know that.

i think a lot of people read blogs as an escape and they don't want any of the knitty gritty real life experience. and i think a lot of people write their blogs that way-- sugar coated. my friend once put it succinctly--having read enough blogs about home baked crackers and jam and perfect hand sewn kids skirts etc, she said "don't these people's kids ever poop in the tub?" heh.

anyway- i think it's important to be authentic if that's what you want, and it really is a personal decision. and even though i don't always do it myself, i love when people open up on their blogs and show us there's a real human inside there. it is SO easy to forget that sometimes.

good luck in NY-- it is hard. and in some ways, it's easy. i made the reverse move 2 years ago and am still adjusting. and you don't have to love it just because you "should"-- but I am sure eventually you will find things to love.

Julia said...

jenny! i totally understand you. and i (think) i understood what you were going through when you found out you were moving back to nyc. moving is hard, even if you eventually come to love your new situation, just the process that you had to go through- the waiting, the not-knowing, the fast move, all that- it's crazy and stressful and extremely emotional. anyways, i'm glad you're coming to like your new life. and i'm proud of both you and joe for doing what you're both doing.

anie said...

I've been silently supporting you through all of this~your bravery and insight will take you far, as will your good heart! I'm the daughter of two doctors, each very loving and kind, and to ask them what residency was like they say, very educational but just a small stop along the way of life.
I wish you both the best! Enjoy NY~I doubt we'll ever make it out there!!

emily said...

Oh jenny. This is a beautiful post and I thank you for sharing. I've really enjoyed 'getting to know you' through your designs, flickr stream and blog. And I do hope you continue. And when life gets bumpy and very grown-up-like, I try to remindl myself that it's for a meant-to-be reason. It can be very hard to see that while going through it however.

You've done well. Give a Joe a hug and take a deep breath.

Anne said...

I know you might delete this, but to have a blog means exposure, taking the risk of having people who don't know you make comments. Most of these people mean well, sorry we can't understand you the way you'd like... Why not use e-mail or private flickr if you only want people you approve of to read about you? I'm a huge fan of your blog, no aggressivity here at all, honest! :)

melly said...

I admire your honesty and ability to put into words and bring the message across here on your blog. I know what you mean almost completely about life being grey areas and mixed feelings - i'm going through a lot of that right now.

It'd be great if you wrote about your life experiences every now and then, because i'm pretty sure it reaches out to a lot of women (i'm one of them) and lets me know i'm not alone. Well i know i'm not alone, i can't be the only person struggling in this world but just knowing someone else being in similar shoes, makes a difference, nice difference.

I hope to get my boyfriend to understand that i can't keep being a ball of happy dust. We'll see how that goes :]

Lisa said...

I know what you mean re: throwing your feelings out on the internet, only to be answered by a set of comments that, while well-intentioned, feel shallow and flippant because it's the internet and everything is breezy and fast.

Also, I just made the decision to move to a big "rough" city rather than a comfortable smallish American town and I very much hearya about the appeal of "hard" versus "easy" - I'm scared as well but I am convinced that hard is the way to go. At least in this stage in life...?

sk said...

Aww, it makes me feel sad that people would say mean things to you, based on what you choose to post on your blog. I've been reading your blog for over a year now, and I really look forward to your posts. I think you are a very talented and interesting person, and I hope you continue to write and share, although I know it must be scary at times, putting yourself out there like that.
Congrats to Joe for graduating! I hope you are both very comfortable in your new place. Best of luck during this residency!

mersault999 said...

Thank you for an honest post. The reason that I've stopped reading most blogs [but continue to read yours!] is that people feel a need to constantly put on the ole happy face. And while life is certainly made up of happiness, it's also made up of fear, anxiety, longing and the like. Thanks for expressing your humanity. It's refreshing.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenny,

I so appreciate you posting about your medical-world journey as my own husband just finished his first year. It has been comforting to get a glimpse into the possibilities of my own future through your story. I'm going to soak up every moment of my last summer off together with Tim because I know big change is not far away. Please keep posting and know that I'm rooting for you guys!

Sara

ps. so inspired by your style too!

Lola Is Beauty said...

Hi Jenny

I am a big fan of the honesty - at some point it's as if there was a blogland conspiracy in some circles only to post things that are happy/cute/fun - and of course it's nice to inspire people and give them a lift, but that relentless cheerleader-y type of blogging feels fake to me because nobody's life is that perfect! I try to balance it too by sharing the occasional thing, especially if as with you, you're going through massive changes. But that too can lead to a strange balance as people reading only know about that bit of you and make assumptions - kind of join the dots based on the little they know. p.s. I love my bamboo skirt (I ordered the wrong size but took it in) it's fab, I'm wearing it now!

All things Shutts ... said...

I heart you Jenny and your blog, even when you are feeling blue. All the luck in the world to both of you - and remember, hardships are what make you stronger! (ps personally I love the cutoff rolled up jean shorts, what do boys know anyway?!)

abby try again said...

jenny, i could probably write a novel back to you about these thoughts, but for now can i just say-"I SO feel you!!!".
You are an amazing gal and that fact that you are honest and true on this blog is one of the things that makes you awesome. Good luck in this new chapter to come. I wish the best for you and Joe and I can't wait to hear all about your New York adventures.

Anonymous said...

this struck such a chord with me, so thank you for sharing. i am in the midst of medical school and going through a divorce--in part because my partner lacked his own motivation and sense of self. i don't know you, only follow your blog with interest because you are so creative and talented (i attempt to sew and knit in my spare time), so i can't attempt to say i understand what you and joe are experiencing. and you certainly didn't ask for my opinion, but it seems to me that you two will make it through stronger than ever because you DO have your own identity and are both willing to support each other and be there. best of luck and i hope there is someone out there who can complement my life as you and joe do each other.

elisabeth said...

Hi there.
I've been reading your blog for a while now and one of the many things I appreciate about it is your honesty. It rings through whether your writing about small things or more significant life events. I'm impressed with the balance you've struck - never too much info, but you're willing to get a little below the surface.
Best wishes!

Root and Leaf said...

i too am going through a huge change in my life. it's hard to know how and when to share it with the rest of the world. how much do i say? will people get it? do i need them to get it? sometimes blogging about anything else but the real stuff that's going on feels like a lie. i agree that we must be true to our feelings.

julia kirsten said...

What you make and who you are is amazing, never stop doing/ being that. Reading what you write is very inspiring and keeps me trekking on those hard days. Your new place looks great and best of luck in your new home:)

shay0511 said...

I fully understand what you have written. I think it get's too easy for people to judge when it is a computer screen in front of them and not the flesh and blood person right in front of them.
As a doctor's daughter I can tell you it is tough. My father is head of trauma at a major hospital. When I visit him, I probably see him a total of an hour each time. However, even though it is an hour it is a fantastic hour. Quality over quantity. It will be hard and there will be times that it will suck being a doctor's wife. However, the great thing about you is that you don't define yourself by that title. You also realize how special Joe's career is. Being a doctor is a sacrifice.; both for him and you. Doctors serve people and give up some of your own life in order to do this. But ulitmately he is savng people's lives. That is what you just have to remind yourself of. Being a doctor is not a position, it is a way of life.
You are awesome, talented and special. Please keep posting and keep it going. I love that you share and would terribly miss it if you stop. We are still supporting you here back in the midwest.

Elizabeth said...

Jealousy and envy are such negative attributes. It saddens me you were hurt buy someone being insensitive.
New York can be a cold, hard place, and even though your surrounded by a million people you can feel lost and alone. I was born and raised in NYC, I know. So I understand your reserve in moving here. It will all work out, your a strong woman, and if you feel the need to Kvetch do so. The people who appreciate you online will not judge.

Best of luck to you and Joe! He's in a great place.
E

knitchka said...

I think there are many great things about blogging, but opening up yourself to criticism from complete strangers operating without their real-world sensitivity filters is not one of them. As long as you continue to get something rewarding from it, I say keep it up, but I understand the desire to keep more personal things to yourself, too.

I relate so much to your thoughts about easy vs. hard. I've been stuck in an easy rut myself for the last few years, and while hard change isn't always fun, it can be good, too. At least that's what I keep telling myself when the stress is keeping me up at night. :)

kt said...

there's no doubt that there are trying times on the way, but you will adapt and your relationship will grow in new ways...
when my now husband and i had only been dating for a few months he was deployed to iraq for 8 months... we talked on the phone once a week when possible and emailed lots. we made it work because we wanted it to and now our relationship is stronger as a result.
the sacrifices that the families of those who serve make are often under appreciated, but it is satisfying to know that we contribute in our own ways...

Cathy said...

I read your blog all the way across the Country in San Diego, Ca and I love it! I would be so sad to see you change your blog because of a few or more insensitive comments. I know exactly how you feel though, a few words from a stranger can nag on your mind more than those from close friends at times. Simply said, some people just don't get it. That is why we all have our true "best friends" who always get us! I love all of your pictures and creativity! I am an Interior Design student and actually used you and your business as my client for a loft we had to design! I wish you all the best in New York. I also understand how hard moving is; I moved to San Diego from Los Angeles with my husband when he finished school and started working. I started school and a whole new life here. It wwas/is hard, but good comes out of challenges! Sorry for the longest post ever! Good luck!

Cathy

vlhsaft said...

Hi. I've been reading your blog as you have gone through this major transition and I'm so glad to see that your starting to feel more positive about it. There is truly so much potential in NYC, anything at all could happen!! And you are lovely and gifted and your clothes are marvelous, so the potential for incredible things is even greater. There is so much inspiration and good food and fabric to be had. I can't wait to see what happens. It's your story(blog) and you should write it however you see fit. Best of luck to you!!!

tacy said...

remember that many people write out of their own insecurity or heartbreak and it is often something they regret later.

Anonymous said...

To blog, or not to blog: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler on the web to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous comments,
Or to cease surfing in this sea of troubles,
And by deleting end them?

From Spamlet, by A. N. Onymous

julie said...

i usually never comment on blogs, but i just have to say that this post was really great to read. my husband is in a phd program and soon he'll be applying for teaching jobs all over. it totally freaks me out to think about moving - away from a city i love, my home, friends and a great job. i completely resist change, i think sometimes to a fault, so it's good to be reminded that change can be a really great thing. good luck in nyc!!

efi p. said...

i just saw the movie "Revolutionary Road".have you seen it or read the novel..? who makes the rules anyway? we do..and as we go along we learn from our mistakes and grow a little wiser from our choices.. i wish i had made the same decision as you, 3 years ago.. easy staff is just for a while, hard staff is what makes us be ourselves..and NY , i imagine is hard to live to, but my God what i would give to live in a city that has so much for you to see.. here where i live (Greece) things are like America in the 50s..you know what i mean..So be strong and try to live each day as your own!
efi p.

littlewoodbird said...

I have only been reading your blog for a few months...but I have to say that its the one I look most forward to when I open my feed reader... I moved to England with my English husband about 2 1/2 years ago from California...and I am also a creative designer type...so I have often found myself relating to your posts... This post has got me (once again) thinking about how much I value real and genuine people. So, thanks so much for sharing your life...its refreshingly honest.

belle said...

Hi Jenny-I rarely comment, but your blog has been one of my favorites for a very long time, and I hate to see you discouraged about your blogging. As someone who loves New York but chooses small town life again and again because of the quality of life I'm able to afford here, I totally understood your mixed feelings about the big move. But I think some people see a post like that and they think "But you're so awesome and talented, and you're moving to an awesome city! Why are you worried? Why aren't you happy?" They just don't get it and they might not ever get it because they're coming from a different place in life and a different point of view. And that's OK...everybody's different. But there are so many wonderfully positive and supportive comments from people who do seem to get you, and I just hope you hold on to that when you're feeling misunderstood. I'm happy to hear that you're settling into your new life in the big city, and I continue to wish you and Joe the best of luck in your new chapter : )

anna said...

while my comment certainly wasn't near calling you spoiled, re-reading it now i can see that the tone of voice might be missed. it was just a gentle nudge to see the happiness in all the mess, which you don't necessarily need from a total stranger.

sorry if i hurt your feelings.
moving is rotten, my heart goes out to you.

13mimosa said...

You know a blogger I read regularly, who has two very young children, stopped posting for about 3 months after her second babe was born. She didn't say "need a break" or "time's limited now - see you soon" just nothing. She returned quietly and slowly started posting again. Last week she said the reason she hadn't posted was because she'd received such a nasty comment it had really shaken her. This person said that she should spend more time with her children and less on the stuff she posted about and then went on to say "have you taken a look at yourself lately - how about having a good wash and doing something with your hair"!!! I was so gobsmacked I thought it was a joke, but it wasn't, she was so hurt she didn't know if she wanted to post anymore. That person was certainly unstable - hard to understand.

I do know what you mean, I guess perhaps some of us, myself included, can be a little clumsy some times in saying what we mean and as someone else said - we are, most of us strangers, albeit hopefully friendly ones, but I'm sorry you felt that way. I love reading about you and Joe and your life - you're much younger than me and I'm excited by all you do and see and try, it makes me smile. Thanks for sharing.

andothersuchthings said...

Oh dear. I think I might have been one of those annoyingly cheerful people. I certainly did not mean to belittle your situation! Or over-simplify it. I remember writing a bunch of fun places to visit in your new neighborhood. I think perhaps in the midst of me missing it there, (I had a big move not too long ago, as well,) I might have been insensitive to what you were going through. I'm truly sorry if that's the case. I love your work and really enjoy reading your blog.

Nantucket Dreams said...

isn't it lifes hardest times that end up pushing us to be better people, stronger couples and families...it might not be easy, but i know it will be ok. you'll come out of it stronger, so will he and so will your relationship.

Veronica TM said...

i always question what to write on my blog, and worry that people are going to draw their own conclusions and misunderstand me. it takes strength to be honest. thank you for sharing this.

Suzeq22knits said...

I've enjoyed following your posts about moving. In the last year I've moved 1500 miles twice.
And to be honest, some days I get tired of telling people "it's great getting to see new places". So I really appreciate you posting about how moving is hard and not always fun because even though new experiences are good, moving can be emotional.

katie said...

i think you have a really healthy attitude; kudos to you for recognizing that you can have many different emotions about change and they are all okay. i think i may have mentioned in comments in the past that i have a young dr. joe also, so i always feel like i can relate to your feelings about the medicine stuff. residency is hard, but i think you are on the right track in that you already recognize that it will be hard (sometimes it can take us spouses by surprise). however, it did in fact make our marriage stronger--we figured if we could weather residency, we could weather *anything*! also, it's a cliche, but true: it gets sooo much better after residency--then they can take call from home! hang in there :)

fiveflowers said...

Just wanted to drop you a line and say that I like to hear about the ups and downs, cause, you know, you're a real, multi-dimensional person!... just be true to you, girl, and we'll all come along for the ride~ internet hugs! we are all rooting for you!

Jessica said...

Hi Jenny - Never commented before, but thought I would today. I love your fashion sense but I mostly love your real-life perspective ... the ups and the downs. It takes someone with tremendous courage to present both the satisfying and the challenging aspects of life to the world and for those of us who follow your posts, it reminds us that life is made of many things. I very much appreciate your willingness to share ... whatever it is that you choose to share.

Abigail said...

Hi - I'm not much of a blog commenter, but when I read the entry I thought, "Oh No!" because I really love reading your entries, especially because it's such a good blend of work and life. Your designs are really lovely so I would read just for that, but it's so much more interesting to get to see the person behind the creation. No one exists in a vacuum and it's great to see what influences your creativity, especially the day to day things. :-)

Nessa said...

My husband is just finishing his intern year in residency. I know exactly how you feel. Residency is hard... so was medical school for that matter. One thing that we don't have the privilege of doing is taking our time together for granted.

Some people seem to think that my life is a walk in the park because I am married to a doctor. If they only knew... :)

Anonymous said...

Hello!
I am a doctor- have been since I startet my residency when I was 25 ( well actually 2 months before I turned 25). It was hard and long hours -and feeling insecure and alone was part of it too.
This is now 10 years ago. I realised how much I had been working as I had to take a sick leave in my 3rd pregnancy. I learned my 2 other children to know ( much better)!
To the other thing -about people wanting you to be happy and cheerful about things that really brings about difficult feelings. I don´t know-maybe they try to comfort you in a really clumsy way. I am a private person-no blog- but last year I found myself in a situation where I was in hospital with my son and I had to face people when feeling really terrified and shocked. As I had my 3rd child he was born with Downs syndrome and a serious heart defect-and he was really sick with something that later turned out to be NEC ( ask Jeff). Everybody was congratulating me with this! Even though my eyes where swollen and tears running. And everytime I heard " Congratulations" things went black ( emotionally )again. I had to put a cheerful face on just to shut them out. That worked. In life it will be good not to shut out things. We ( me+husband) had long talks contemplating life and did not shut anything out in those conversations.
I also think that when you think that something is impossible you ask yourself- is it really?
We are trying on our fourth now-and we just came home from a wonderful week in Barceolna where the little boy charmed his way all trough town. And- I have a job with less hours.

Faith said...

Hi Jenny,

Please ignore those insensitive remarks and continue writing your true feelings on everyday life!! I totally understand how you feel and sometimes after reading your blog, I felt relieved that I am not the only one who feels the same way to certain events in life.
You are what you are and I totally agree with you on that life is not always black and white.
On a lighter note, I am happy that finally you are enjoying your apartment and living in a big city.
Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Over 300 people responded to your post, offering comfort and reassurance, and you have to lash out at them because they may have worded something the wrong way?

Talk about completely missing the point. How ... mean!!

Anonymous said...

what's with all that crap about 'wives' of doctors? what about 'spouses' of doctors, or 'partners' I hate that although you seem like this modern progressive, motivated person, you fall into writing like it's the 50s! you don't know ANY women who are doctors?

jenny gordy said...

anonymous, i think you're taking my wording a little too seriously. i was speaking from MY perspective as a wife of a doctor, which is why i used the word "wives". i do know women doctors, but none of them are married. i know gay doctors as well, none of which have partners. why so quick to criticize because someone you don't know used the word "wives" instead of "spouses" or "partners"? isn't that a little touchy? you don't know me at all and yet you criticize me like i'm some sort of anti-feminist or homophobe. what's up with that?