the worst possible outcome

Joe didn't match anywhere and was not offered a residency. I don't know what will happen. We are really hurting right now.

the anticipation is killing me

from Wallace and Gromit's "A Close Shave"

This is me tonight, working myself into a knitting frenzy, tucked up on the couch with a heated blanket. Tomorrow is match day, and Joe isn't here. So I'm compulsively knitting. In fact, I have the whole back of this sweater almost done already. I feel like the only thing that will make me feel better right now is some homemade cookies, fresh out of the oven. I'm supposed to be trying to lose weight, but hey, I worked out for an hour today. So I'm going to make these. Jeez, I am SO nervous! I don't think I'll be able to sleep very well tonight. We're supposed to find out what residency Joe got around 8-9 am tomorrow. Wish us luck!

i made a sweater!

pattern: Saffron, from Rowan's New Shapes by Sarah Hatton
yarn: Rowan Big Wool in Smudge
notions: vintage wood buttons

This sweater took FOREVER. I'm a beginner, so the hard part was just trying to figure everything out. (Also, fixing my mistakes took a bit of time.) I had help from my teacher in the beginning, but after my classes ended I stubbornly struck out on my own for the hard parts. That said, the pattern is pretty easy. That doesn't mean there wasn't a lot of cursing, but if I did this sweater again it would be a breeze. I added two extra buttonholes though the instructions called for only one, and I didn't make the belt. Other than that, I followed the pattern exactly. The sleeves are kind of short, which really bugs me. And since the yarn is so bulky, I kind of look like a linebacker in it. But overall it is a very cuddly and warm sweater, which is nice. It's definitely not uniformly perfect, but that's the charm of a handmade sweater, right? At least that's what I keep telling myself. I have to admit that I'm proud of myself for finishing such an intimidating project, but at the same time I'm a little let down that the outcome isn't more flattering. But hey, I did it! And it was fun.

biding my time

So, I'm taking a little time off work. I just need to reflect and regroup. I let Christy (my seamstress) go because it wasn't working out. I think she needs to start her own business so she can do work that is more creative. Right now I'm not going to think about hiring anyone else until I find out if we're moving or not. Next Monday is when we find out! Then I can get on with my life and figure out what's next for me. Don't worry, I'm not quitting Wiksten.

What I'm going to focus on for the next week is working on the house (which might need to be either sold or rented in a few months) and making some clothes for myself. Since I've gained weight most of my clothes are too small, but I still need to look cute, right? Besides working out, last week I ate really healthy (in other words, no con queso), and I dropped a couple of pounds. Yay! But I still need some new clothes. I like to set goals for myself, so I've planned a little something special for Valentine's Day. I made surprise reservations for me and Joe to eat at a super awesome new restaurant that night. I want to look really beautiful for him, so I'm going to make myself a new dress to wear and try to get a little more in shape physically. And I'm getting a haircut that day. The only problem is that he might have an overnight shift in the emergency room that night. I don't know yet. This year has been really hard on our relationship, and that's why this night is so important to me. I just want to show him how much I love him. But if he has to work we can always do it another day. I'm just really excited to have a fancy date since we don't get to do that much anymore.

Anyways, I ordered the fabric for the dress last night, and hopefully I will have pictures of the finished product up on the blog in a few weeks. I hope I can pull it off. Also, I'm finishing my cardigan tonight! It should be done by now, but I ran out of yarn right when it was time to sew the sleeves on. Argh. Luckily Mindy has the same yarn and has agreed to let me borrow some if I take her out to dinner tonight. Otherwise I would have to order it online and wait for it! No way. I'm really glad I have a sister.

baby, it's cold outside

I haven't finished my first sweater yet. It's almost done. I just have to finish seaming and then weave in all the ends. Can I just say that I hate weaving in ends? It's so freaking tedious. But I'm really excited to see it all come together. I'll probably finish it this week and have pictures to show sometime next week.

The photos I posted above have nothing to do with the sweater I'm finishing. Rather they are for my next sweater project. I'm obsessing about sweaters over here because it's getting so cold outside! The ground is covered in snow, and I'm loving it. The reason I'm starting on a new project already is that my awesome sister got me this for Christmas and is anxious to see me get going. I picked out the pattern and yarn, and they arrived today in the mail. I chose the Kaari pullover to make after seeing it on one of my most favorite blogs in the whole world. I'm sticking to the very same yarn and color shown on the model because it's so beautiful. Being such a novice, I'm not going to switch up yarns and get all creative. Maybe when I get better. Before I showed Mindy the yarn I wanted, she said, "Let me guess. You want GRAY yarn. Again." She knows me too well. The book I got is full of other beautiful patterns too, like this one and this one.

night time

I love how cozy winter nights can be. I spent some time last night messing around with my new camera and shot these on manual. I'm psyched that the lens is fast enough to capture images really well even in the dark. This is exactly what the lighting actually looked like at the time. I've never had a camera that could do that before.

japanese website inspiration

COTON

so i was in topeka the other day

I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep at night a lot lately. Joe says it sounds like I'm chewing on marbles. I have dreams that my teeth are falling out. It's not so much a problem when I wear my retainers, but sometimes I forget. Like when we go out of town. So anyways, I've got a mouth full of cavities now. Blerg. (Joe says that's not a real word, but Tina Fey makes it sound funny. So he he can "eat my poo".) My dentist is in Topeka, so I practically spent the whole last week there having dental appointments. Joe was out of town anyways, so at least I got to hang with the fam. My dad is an orthodontist in Topeka, and my bro and sis work for him and live with him for the time being. And, yes, that does make me feel a little left out. But I mask any hurt feelings with an air of superiority over them for being too old to still live at home. Hanging at my dad's is not so bad though because Mindy and I can watch AMC (He has cable!) old movies and knit together. Plus my dad is weird and hilarious, and I like being around him.

So I had some time between appointments to kill while I was there, and I went to my favorite antique store. It's so pretty I want to live there. I never buy anything though. Overpriced. Plus Joe doesn't like me bringing home nick-knacks. Too granny, he says. He reigns in my granny tendencies. I'll get there in due time. Then I can have all the nick-knacks I want. My defense will be, "But I AM a granny!" There's no arguing with that.

my life lately

My life has been so hectic over the past month. Almost to the point where some days I have felt like I would lose my mind. And I don't even know how to catch up, especially with this blog. I would like to have the time to take two seconds to breathe and collect my thoughts, time to be inspired. But I just haven't had that lately. The holiday craziness and planning for Joe's residency took over my life for awhile. But I am going to try to regroup. Ok, so what did I miss on here? I will try to list the events that have taken place in my life in the last month if I can remember all of them.

1. I released my holiday collection in the Wiksten shop, and everything sold out! I thought with the economy tanking that people wouldn't be so eager to buy, but thankfully I was proven wrong. Packing up all the orders and sending them out is SO time-consuming. Sometimes I feel like I'm Darrell working for Dunder Mifflin instead of a clothing designer.

2. With some of the proceeds from the holiday shop and some Christmas money from various people, I got an amazing deal on a new camera! Very exciting. I've been eyeing the Nikon D80 for a really long time, and it went on sale big time not long ago. I've been taking a lot of pictures but unfortunately haven't had time to get through the manual yet, so I'm mostly using the automatic setting so far. My favorite thing to take pictures of, hands down, is people. And I've had a lot of opportunities to do that lately. However, my best pictures were accidentally erased off my camera. And I almost cried. More on that later.

3. Joe's fourth year of med school has been extremely stressful for both of us. He's been gone A LOT. He's had three months of away rotations just this school year so far. And on top of it, he's had to go on a ton of interviews for his residency all over the country. I got to travel with him to a few places, like Salt Lake City and Chapel Hill. And then last week we went to Iowa City to check it out and spent an awesome weekend with friends. (I got some amazing pictures and accidentally erased them all from my camera! Yep, I'm a grade A moron.) Then we had to make a rank list of all the programs he interviewed at. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make, because our list will help determine where we will be living for the next SIX YEARS. We talked about The LIST and agonized over it for weeks. The night it was due, we fought over it for five hours! That was the worst. Finally we gave up and turned it in. Urology is an extremely competitive field, so there are only maybe two positions available at each program. So I don't know how likely it is that we'll get into one of our top choices. Here is the rank list by city:

1. Portland, Oregon (If we don't get in here, I will cry a thousand tears.)
2. Chapel Hill, North Carolina (I'm excited about this one too.)
3. Kansas City, Kansas (Our families are here, and we already own a house here, so.....)
4. Salt Lake City, Utah (Don't look at me--this one isn't really my choice. But at least there's skiing.)
5. Iowa City, Iowa (Eh.)
6. Milwaukee, Wisconsin (Never been there.)
7. Minneapolis, Minnesota (Never been there.)
8. Brooklyn, New York (Brooklyn!!! But I don't know if I can handle being even poorer than we are now. Plus I've gotten used to a much more peaceful way of life since leaving New York.)
9. Omaha, Nebraska (If it were only my decision, this one would be much higher on the list.)
10. Hershey, Pennsylvania (God, no.)
11. Chicago, Illinois. (Eh.)
12. Columbus, Ohio. (Please God, no.)

It's pretty exciting that we might get to move, but I am also pretty terrified out of my mind too. I think I could try to be happy anywhere, but some places might be easier than others.

4. All the stress of the last few months has caused me to gain about ten pounds. None of my clothes fit me comfortably anymore. They feel so tight. I started exercising really consistently about six weeks ago, but I'm still not really dropping any weight. I hate to be one of those people who talks about their weight, but it's really bumming me out. At least it's gotten me to start exercising again. Things got so busy with my career over the last year or so that I never had time to. And that's not healthy. So now I am just making time. I'm hoping that this will be a lifestyle change. That and not eating con queso all the time.

5. We find out where we will be living for the next six years on January 26! If we move away, I've decided that I will either join a knitting club or start my own. Since I work at home, it's harder to meet people, and I think a knitting club would help. Also, if I stay in KC, I will join one here. The one thing about KC that I hate the most is that I don't have any girlfriends here. All of my friends live at least 45 min. to an hour away or in other parts of the country. And sometimes I just want to get together last minute with someone for a drink or a movie or knitting. You know? That's my dream.

6. I finally got some brown boots! I've been wanting them forever, and I finally saved up enough to get my dream pair. I pretty much wear them every day.

7. I'm planning on finishing knitting my first sweater this week. Photos soon to come. Unless it sucks.

8. I took a last minute trip to New York a few weeks ago to help out a friend who needed me. It made my schedule even more hectic, but it was so freaking fun. I made great memories and did most of my Christmas shopping there.

Ok, I can't remember anything else. It's all a blur. If you've made it this far in my post, then I'm going to assume you're a personal friend of mine who hasn't talked to me in awhile and is catching up on my life via my blog. I'm so sorry about that.

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions. When I was younger, like in junior high, I used to stay up late on New Year's Eve, lock myself in my room, and make a list of 100 resolutions. They would be like this: "1. Read the Bible for an hour every day. 2. Pray for an hour every day. 3. Be a way nicer person and don't make fun of people. 4. Get A+'s in every subject in school." etc. etc. Can you imagine? If my kid made a list like that I would send them straight to therapy! But seriously, this year I just want to try to simplify my life and enjoy myself. Work less. Spend time with my husband. Cook dinner more often. Do more creative stuff just for fun. It could be a really good year. If I don't have to move to Hershey, Pennsylvania.