7.01.2011

life is great, not perfect

iowa

Many bloggers only blog about the awesome parts of life, and readers get an edited and inaccurate view.  I am guilty of this, not because I want to seem perfect, but more because I want my blog to be a positive space.  An optimist at heart, I don't want to wallow in the negative aspects of my life.  However, it's not healthy to pretend like unpleasant crap doesn't happen.  That's why I told you guys I was sad about the move and leaving my friends and life.  Life always seems to be a balancing act between good and bad, and I like to see the good stuff as making the bad stuff worth it.  That's what allows me to be happy.

But lest you think that things around here are too good to be true, here's a counterbalance to my last post in which I let you in on a few sucky but not unbearable things:

feeling lonely and a little lost :: bickering with my husband because we are stressed, tired/achy, and sick of moving :: terrified kitties hissing at each other and hiding in every conceivable place, including behind the toilet :: no furniture to sit on for days :: having bad dreams about missing my friends

45 comments:

Lara said...

Aww, sweetie. I hear you, it sucks to have to move and leave your friends. I admire you so much for seeing the positive and hope we readers can help you see it when you're feeling a bit down. For example, that kittie picture is too funny--just so cat-like. Sorry you are all stressed and hope you get settled in and loving your new home soon.

Ella said...

Oh yes, moving can be terribly lonely. I only realised once we'd moved towns how settled I'd been, and how it wasn't just leaving friends but also familiar shops and shop people, views, weather, smells. You are very brave.

k said...

thanks for sharing the downsides as well as the upsides of life - i'm going through a little rough patch myself, and it's always hard to know what to share online so i don't come across as a whiner. but i think a little negative makes us all more real in this virtual space. sending you happy thoughts!

jesse.anne.o said...

Oh man. I'm sorry you're having a rocky time. (Of course it's to be expected.) Look at that poor little dude behind the toilet.

I know you know "This too shall pass" but it warrants saying. Here's to hoping you're feeling settled and hopeful pretty soon.

hayden said...

Moving is hard, for sure, and every time we have one of the cats inevitably spends time behind the toilet at the old place and then the toilet at the new place.

debbie said...

it's refreshing to see such honesty. it's so easy to put your happiest moments out there (i'm guilty of that one) but not so easy to share the less happy ones. i'm sorry you're feeling down—just think of all the good times ahead.

Judi said...

Your honesty and optimism inspires me. Thank you for sharing your work and little snapshots of your life.

jennifer said...

hang in there, jenny. it's never easy leaving behind friends and a city you love. i really felt like part of me died when i moved away from portland, but things got better after a few months. i'm sure things will get better once you guys are unpacked and settled in! take care!

seashoreknits said...

That dear little kitty picture just says it all.

"Help. I want to get as far away as possible from this place right now. Leave me alone. I know the floor tile is cold and uncomfortable but I don't WANT a soft bed right now and someone to tell me it will all be better. Just. give. me. a. minute."

Is that about right?
hugs to you and Joe on this time of transition.

Alyssa Zygmunt said...

I cried every night the winter of 2000 when I 1st moved from SF to NY. You are not alone and so brave. TIME heals all. Familiarity breeds like and one day you might even come to LOVE where you are. It will happen slowly and you won't even notice until one day you feel at HOME.
xoxo Alyssa

atout said...

Oh, I totally get it. We're also gearing up for a move and it blows. Even though I know full well that blogs are only small slices of life, when I saw your last post I thought "moving looks pretty great!". But, it's true, regardless if you're happy about moving or not, it always sucks. The physical nature of it is crap. The cats think you've ruined their world. Stuff never finds it's proper place for months. It's enough to send anyone off their rocker. Hang in there!

k. wang said...

the photo is very cute, even if the reason as to why she's behind the toilet isn't very cute. but if that's not an analogy for seeing things beyond their cover, i don't know what is.

things will get better, they almost always do. the kitties will settle in (i have two and i've moved with them seven times in the last five years!), there will be new things to explore in iowa, and friends aren't defined by simple geography.

chin up!

natalie said...

oh my goodness, my husband & i are in the same boat with you two. we moved about a month ago to a new state, a new place, a completely different life. it is so, so, so hard. thankfully, it does get better... we are slowly finding "our places"- our favorite grocery store, good places to thrift, people who seem nice. my friends from home gave some really great advice to me & i have taken it to heart. always say "yes" to any new possible friend or place to go. you never know who you might find or what you might see. :)

Amanda said...

Sorry you are having a rough time. And thanks for sharing the bad stuff, too. It can be daunting to read about what seem like perfectly beautiful lives...

kristen said...

I am so sorry for yalls move. It is fun to start over, but oh my gosh, so so hard. And you guys probably did it with med school, residency, and jobs. It can just be a time of mourning your old life for a little while. I hope it goes fast and you guys feel connected and at ease with your new life quickly.

metrode said...

I moved across the country, too, with two very scared cats- it really affected them. once they get their cozy furniture back, they'll be able to settle in with you. the first couple months are the hardest. hopefully, at least, while your indoor space is unsettled, you are able to enjoy the summer outdoors! good luck in your new home

Desi McKinnon said...

I didn't move, but my friends did. I think it's my number one issue sometimes. I miss them so much and I don't really have a tribe where I live. It makes it lonely. I totally understand.

Maybe it (you moving/my friends moving) will give us space for new people to come into our lives. Not replacements, just relationships to build upon.

kristi said...

totally...it is hard. i moved from maui to australia two years ago for my husband's work, a move i was not comfortable with at all. still it is hard but i feel so adaptable and strong because of it. x.

anabela / fieldguided said...

Oh, when the cats are sad I am so so sad! Glad you're able to focus on the good as well. x

Samantha said...

I relate to all of this. Last year I moved across the country to the place where I was born and raised, but I still had a long hard slog before I felt at home.

I still admire your positive outlook, though things aren't 100% good right now. Sending you good wishes for the near future!

Liane said...

hi jenny,
fellow recent mover here. not a great distance but traumatic for a whole host of reasons. i'm slowly slowly adjusting. i'm sending you positive vibes. i can relate to your mood. and nice to meet you in new york before your move.
liane

simple things said...

I also understand how you are feeling, as I made an interstate move when I would have preferred not to a few years ago. I didn't know anyone here, I felt so lost and lonely, I cried myself to sleep every night for months and months - everything just felt wrong, like I was in a (bad) dream. Sometimes I just wanted to curl up and hide (like your cats are!). But your new home will feel like home soon and you will be able to enjoy the new discoveries and new friends.

You never know - you might find that you end up liking this home even more.

Tracey said...

Moving can throw life into a bit of a mess ... but at least it's a temporary madness.

I hate it when my animals are upset ... you just want everyone to settle in as quickly as possible.

I just posted similar thoughts about blogging only about the positive ... I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks about this.

Take care.

draoupads said...

This is why I love reading your blog, you always write such an honest and real things about life, and I must say it is very much inspiring. I really can understand your feeling now, I've been there before.. Hope the best for your new life.. :)
Kiki

kristenmakes said...

Thanks for sharing the downs too. as a blogger, I also want to paint a pretty picture, not to be fake and perfect but like you said, about the positive space. Likewise, it is easy to believe that other bloggers who do the same actually DO have perfect easy lives, when really they too are just editing the difficulties. Thank you for your honesty, and best of luck to your settling in! We had a similar kitty-hissing incident when we moved from FL to PA. Once best buds, our cats hissed at each other all night long in the motel room - we blamed the strange motel smell...

Flora said...

Yes, I know what you mean. I often think about this when blogging. I am sending some positive vibes so that these will soon tranform into good situations and memories. It's a brilliant thing you are doing though, don't forget it :)

Anna Allen said...

aw, i am sure i will be feeling the same way when i move to chicago. i don't always adjust easily to new things, i wish i did! but i'm working on that. ;) anyway, i'm in the airport at the moment, on my way home to iowa! we definitely need to hang out some more before i move!

cute kitty!!

Kathryn said...

a beautifully honest post :)

the little owl said...

I think it's inspiring and refreshing that you shared some of the downsides to all that's going on in your life right now. It's real and honest and I really respect that. Having moved cross country a few times myself, I also know it can be tough. The initial adjustment period is stressful and scary... but being barefoot in the grass with no bug bites is amazing. Having quiet and space will inspire you and give your immense creativity room to breath. And being closer to family is a huge blessing - I envy you that.
Remember: To everything there is a season. I find your willingness to embrace whatever this season is inspiring. So... let yourself be sad and a bit mopey... and then also let yourself be surprised at the little unexpected joys a new adventure can bring...

CassieMarie said...

I completely know how you feel - I've moved 16 times in my 27 years of existence - the last time being one of the hardest (moving from outside of Chicago to a town of 8,000 in South Dakota) I had finally felt like I built up a great network, and great friendships, and then we moved. The up side is, your friends will come visit you, and you can always visit them. The cats will get a bit better once the furniture is there - ours were freaked out until the furniture came as well. It sucks now, but it will get better and better - it is hard, but it will get better. When we unpacked we decided to take it one room at a time - Kitchen, bedroom, living room and so on - it made it a lot more bearable, and it was easier to feel like we had accomplished something - which can be hard when unpacking! Well anyhoo, I hope things start turning up for you - sending good vibes your way. :)

Jade said...

jenny, thanks for the balanced perspective. it all makes perfect sense. change is uncomfortable, no matter what it brings and when it happens. i like that you're aware of there being some calm after the storm. it's kind of disconcerting that things in life are so unpredictable, but that might be what builds character, makes us stronger, and richer in substantive things like compassion, perspective, depth.

everything is just for awhile anyway. keep the words, "for now" in your back pocket, and remember to use them from time to time.

sarah said...

I am sorry that you are all going through this stressful period. If you find the cats don't settle in there is a product called Feliway that might help. I bought the diffuser when my cat was very stressed and whilst it wasnt a miracle it did seem to calm him a little.

M said...

thanks for sharing. one of the things i love about my favorite blogs (like yours) is that sense of recognition like "hey, good to know I'm not the only one that feels that way". i too just said goodbye to a place i have lived for 9 years, friends, the house my daughter was born in etc and even though i know in the end we'll be good the process is painful. you seemed to really enjoy and blossom in Broolyn surrounded by friends so no wonder it is hard to move. good luck though...I'm sure it will work out. Marianne@zipzestzing

Jacqui Dodds said...

I think that you are very brave to move to a totally new place when you have so many friends where you were and your business is doing well.
Having said that I have done it twice and it worked out ok both times. If I had to do it again I would be filled with fear.
Sorry to hear that things are not so good - hope they improve soon :-)

janis said...

It's such a tough balance to balance the positive/negative on a blog. I too, want my blog to be a positive space, but I don't want readers to get the wrong idea that my life is all roses.

I hope you feel better soon :)

Erika said...

A practical solution for your stressed cats: go buy some Feliway plug-in pheremone diffuser from a pet store. It's magic, and it has helped everyone one in our many moves. Not sure of the equivalent for humans, but perhaps a bellini on the porch?

leslie.conner said...

i just blogged about this a couple of days ago- and I know what you mean, I like to keep my blog a happy place, even when life gets crazy. And it is hard to deal with the pressure of society to be perfect somtimes... read the perfection article!

sheryl said...

I understand the blogger-curator urge to present only the beautiful things, but I always appreciate the honesty of a more balanced picture. I think that's harder to do.

Change can be stressful ... I hope you (and your kitties) get a little more acclimated every day.

Rachel Lucie Johns said...

I so often have exactly the same struggle - where does the line between wanting to have a possitive blog sharing life's good things with actually being real and sharing some of the less than perfect bits. Do people want to read uplifting stuff, or will they think you are smug? Will they like to see you as a real person with a real life (including some of the crappy bits) or will they think you are a moaner. I don't have the answers! I love your post, tho, and appreciated you letting us in on the bad side of moving, and it is stressful. Hopefully you will find an equalibrium soon, and the settling in can start xx

Chuck said...

I really appreciated this post. Life isn't completely airbrushed and golden and it is unrealistic to expect it to be. I hope the settling in gets easier.

padmasari said...

as the wife of an Air Force officer move to a new place is part of the consequences of getting married with my husband, has never been easier to get through it. and I am currently undergoing long-distance relationship with my husband because I did not go with him move to a new place where my husband on duty, and it is also not easy to live. and yes sometimes life is not very easy to live, but based on my experience in the new place you'll find new things from the neighborhood and you'll also discover new things in you, new thinking. and as a Christian I always felt no matter what, life is still beautiful, and Jesus is always exceptional. Jesus bless you Jenny, and you'll be fine soon..

Cassandra said...

Do you know - it will be absolutely fine and maybe even fantastic. I've done NZ to London (with dog) to be with someone I'd spent 34 days with. Arrived in recession, lived in too small flat with no garden, no friends, no family, and two step children who'd rather I fell off the side of a cliff. However - 3 years later, we live in a lovely house in a really great part of London. We have two dogs,still love each other, one step child thinks I'm cool, and a couple of good friends. Plus a new career which is totally who I always should have been. One child still doesn't dig me, I miss my family and friends, I miss the beach and other NZ things, but if you don't try it you will never know what you could be.

Your clothes are beautiful, Iowa has probably been in desperate need of someone just like you!

Alisha said...

i just stumbled across your blog. i like blogs that show we are human. that everyday isn't perfect but that life moves on and you have to make the most of things and enjoy the little things. nice space you have here.....i hope it all gets a little easier for you.

etoilee8 said...

I like hearing the good bad. It's a comfort to us all that thing's aren't always perfect but we always get through it. Chin up!

Blanka said...

It's absolutely OK to write about things which are on your mind, doesn't matter if they are sad or optimistic. It isn't normal to be happy all the time.
I personally have very sad feelings sometimes as I have big problems with my family but I don't want to write about them
1) I am a bit worried that someone - my sister or someone like her - could read it
2)it's too complicated to write about it
3) it hurts. And I personally don't want even think about it...

But remember that there are people who love you! In my case it is my dearest boyfriend who supports me and cheers me up everytime I feel down... There must be someone in your life too! Your husband, family...

I feel sad also because I can't see any solving, do you understand? There are no solution. People which I'd trust and loved hurt me, behaved like I was a property not a living person, they couldn't realize that I'm independent person, didn't respect my feelings and the most important thing for them was their possesive feel for me. In anger they called me names which I never heard from them and behave so bad that I can't act now like they are my closest family. They will never be again.
I can't forgive them, never... but it is possible to live with this feeling? with the feeling that your closest family doesn't exist for you?