In the midst of what has seemed like a sh*t storm, Joe and I decided to leave behind our worries and endless to-do lists for a day to spend some time together in nature. We don't do this enough. Mainly because we're workaholics, which is something we're trying to change. It's easy for me to get comfortable in a routine, even when that routine involves 12-16 hour workdays. Speaking from experience, I can say that this does not lead to a satisfying life.
Looking at people's blogs and Instagram photos can be intimidating at times, can't it? (I'd say on a good day it's inspiring and on a bad day it's intimidating.) Because here are all these people seemingly doing it all and having it all in a beautiful, perfect way. It's hard to tell if that's reality or if we're only privy to seeing things from one angle. Because no one wants to post pictures of their incompetence or that time when they felt truly unlovable. I know I don't. But I can tell you right now that I can't do it all, and I don't have it all. There are times when I feel lost and filled with worry, and I don't feel like I'm enough.
It's times like these when the only thing for me to do is to try to reconnect with life's joys. For each person it's different, but for me it's nature, spirituality, exercise, intellectual conversation, learning, creativity, cooking. The list goes on. When I go into survival mode I totally shut down those parts of myself. It's time to start nurturing all of the parts of myself. Funny how going through bad times makes us really look at ourselves. Unfortunately, most of the time it takes burning out to get me to reconnect.
So Joe and I hiked and we talked. All day. Then we went home and ate a ton of Indian food. It never tasted so good. That was three days ago, and my legs are still so sore that I can barely walk.
Yesterday I started volunteering at the animal shelter in town. Guess who happened to be at orientation, also signing up to volunteer? The one vet tech at the animal hospital who was really kind to me through Seymour's hospitalization. Seymour gave her hell, and she was so loving to him in return. I never got the chance to thank her because I was crying so hard the last day we were there. I got the chance last night. By the way, the shelter and the animal hospital are not affiliated. It was a total coincidence that she was there. I felt really nervous about trying something new, but having her there made me feel instantly comfortable. As far as the volunteering goes, it was wonderful. I was basically covered in cats! Adorable cats desperate for love. It felt healing. I almost brought them all home with me.
By the way, Sophia hasn't been doing so great since Seymour's death. She's been withdrawn and stressed-out (over-grooming, scratching her face until it bleeds, not eating much). I was so worried that I took her to the vet (a place that I didn't want to go back to for a long time), and I've tried everything to give her love and help her feel better. It seems that she just wants some space for now. Hopefully things will heal with time.